We all remember those times. Whether it’s a money question at the wrong time, wondering how much to tip, or a fight over dividing the check, money etiquette affects us all.
Examples of appropriate money behavior include how to split expenses with another individual, how to appropriately reward exceptional work, how to talk about salary, and how to borrow or lend money.
Most of us believe that we know how to handle ourselves, but we are all capable of making mistakes as well.
Let’s talk about what good financial behavior is and how you should carry out financial transactions. Your social relationships will be even better because of it!
What is money etiquette?
Etiquette is a matter of accepted behavior in public life, and good breeding dictates that citizens follow certain guidelines regarding money.
Of course, these norms vary from country to country, but in the United States, there are a few financial guidelines to bear in mind. Think of examples that demonstrate the ideas you are learning in your lessons.
You can likely think of a dozen other examples of money manners. Although people have different beliefs about money, you can benefit yourself, your family, and society by following the rules for proper money etiquette.
1. Money etiquette tips when splitting the bill
Splitting the test might make you want to stay at home every night if you don’t share the same opinion with other group members. Here are some suggestions of smart money etiquette when it comes to sharing expenses, whether on a regular basis or for occasions.
However, any cost-sharing situation must be thoroughly discussed beforehand so that both parties know what to expect. Any differences between your expectations and your partner’s expectations can cause major headaches.
One of the trickiest social situations is dividing the test.
Some restaurants still charge separate checks but still require everyone to pay their bill together. This will require you to figure out who pays which tab on your own.
The key is to relay info early (before the bill arrives) about what you’d like to do with your care.
Don’t assume that others think as you do when paying the bill or sharing equally. The check splitting has to work for all participants.
Having everyone split the check equally can work well if there are just some people going out to eat with comparable budgets.
Consider how much the meal will cost and split the costs equally if that is agreeable to you.
The main issue is not how you want to apportion the costs, but rather when you should do it. You should set up healthy boundaries for your budget. Be sure to talk to your friends when ordering about splitting the bill evenly.
If you prefer that everyone contribute to their own food and drinks, that’s fine! Just be sure to mention it up front in case not everyone is agreeable to this idea.
Let everyone know that you will only pay your portion of the bill.
Applications like Venmo and PayPal allow users to pay each other digital money. This allows one individual to pay the entire fee to get the credit card rewards but allows the other group members to send in their share of the cost.
These discussions can be difficult at first, especially with people who don’t know anything about your financial situation or who make more money than you. Don’t avoid them! Before your meal or shared activity, you can briefly clarify something.
The same payment policy applies when traveling with a group. If you plan on an overnight or extended women’s trip, you must discuss the price beforehand.
Tell the truth with your friends and family if you are going on a trip with them.
Save money on flights with airport hacks, but share the cost of hotel rooms with friends. Cook your own meals or eat at restaurants to save money.
Just like with a night out, for any extended time spent together, you need to converse with your fellow travelers about finances.
Perhaps it’s a multi-family get-together at the beach and one group wants to have everyone split the expenses. That’s a great gift, but it has to be agreed on by everyone.
You should avoid unpleasant surprises. Don’t think that your elderly mother will cover the cost of your entire family’s vacation, or assume that all of your bridesmaids will be able to pay for the travel expenses for a bachelorette party.
Use good financial manners and talk about the cash at the beginning.
2. When and how much to tip for service
It can be difficult to know when to stop service at Use these tips for monetary tips.
Social customs dictate that servers at sit-down restaurants should tip at least 15 to 20% above the bill. Leaving an additional 15-20% is typical.
This tip is to give your server a thank you for their work of delivering your food and drink, checking in on your order, and bringing you your order. Because restaurant workers don’t always make minimum wage, the tip is part of their compensation.
For groups larger than eight people, some restaurants will charge an automatic gratuity to avoid the server from losing out on a substantial portion of tips because of a single group.
Even if your budget is tight, you should tip your servers generously. If you cannot afford to tip, you shouldn’t eat out.
You probably have been asked to tip at Starbucks and other coffee shops using Square.
What’s the money etiquette about tipping in a food or drink establishment where no server is bringing your order?
It may appear odd to be asked to tip when there is no “extra” work being done.
But the social pressure of seeing “Leave an optional tip?” on your touchscreen is effective. I’ve given an additional dollar several times at my local coffee shop, especially if the server is watching me.
According to Real Simple, tipping is not usually necessary at coffee shops, but rounding up to the nearest dollar is always a nice gesture. You can also tip 20% or so if the barista made you feel especially welcome.
I have to admit: I never realized that I was supposed to tip your hair stylist until college. I wasn’t being rude; I simply did not know it was required.
Many other U.S. industries allow customers to submit suggestions.
If you disagree with how much services cost, it is polite (and good karma) to pay those whose work you value.
3. Money etiquette relating to salary
Most people don’t know how to discuss salary. Here are some tips.
Salary can be a touchy subject for a lot of workers. It may explain why so many folks are drawn to those in the same line of work as they do, as their salaries could be equivalent.
An example of good financial behavior is not to ask new people about their salary on the first date or hangout. It’s inappropriate to broach the topic unless you’re already dating the person or have a close friend in common.
It’s best to wait for a relationship to be established before addressing topics like finances. This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t take note of clues, though.
Consider the location of a date and how a person talks about money before going on one together. That’ll give you an idea of how they spend and perhaps even how rich they are (if you’re interested).
Before getting into a serious romantic relationship, it’s important to be familiar with your partner’s finances.
It’s best not to start out on the first day by asking how much debt they own or how much they make. An important first step is to communicate more openly about money, and these money questions to ask your spouse are a good place to start.
On the professional side, it’s vital to be open about pay. Join LinkedIn or other industry-specific professional sites and you may learn about salary transparency.
Whether you’re paid a six-figure salary or five-figure income or an hourly wage, it doesn’t matter.
Money etiquette does not dictate that you should not talk about salary. It is an important tool during salary negotiations.
Before going to an interview, you should ask what the expected rate of your work is and how others performing a comparable or similar job are being paid.
The Department of Labor states that you have the right to inquire about, discuss, or disclose your own pay or that of other employees or applicants. You may not face harassment, discrimination, or be fired for discussing pay levels.
Don’t appear at every worker at your business and demand how much they make.
But you can try to engage in those talks at the workplace and with your industry colleagues in order to learn what your labor is worth. You may ask for a pay raise as a result of this discussion.
4. Money etiquette when asking for money
If you do not want to borrow money from someone, it is important to follow money etiquette guidelines.
If you need to ask a family member for money, you should not bring it up in front of the entire household or other group of people. This would only cause more tension.
Your personal finances may influence your circumstances without being pushy.
Asking for money is a sensitive issue, and you should not feel embarrassed if you are truly in need. But be sure to have a plan for repayment before requesting what is essentially a personal loan.
We learned from Gilmore Girls that borrowing money from family can be a grave mistake. Lorelai Gilmore lamented having to ask her mother for money because that was how the money always was received.
But consider what it does to your relationships when asking for money from your loved ones or friends. It could make things awkward. They may try to dispute every expense you make or hold that outstanding bill over your head unjustly.
If you must borrow money in this manner, select the person carefully. Be sure they care about you and will accept your repayment terms. There may be some strings attached to borrowing money, so both parties agree ahead of time on the deal.
Keep in mind that if asking for money from a friend isn’t ideal, in some cases a private loan can be a better choice.
5. Money manners when loaning (or giving) money to friends and family
The flip side of #4 is if you loan money to family or friends. Follow these tips for loaning money to relatives.
In certain instances, you are better off just making it a gift rather than a loan. The main reason for this is that you remove the pressure to pay back, which could enable you to be more relaxed with the other person.
This doesn’t always work. If it’s a very large amount of money, a gift may be too much for them to accept. Unless you are extremely wealthy, giving away large sums of cash may be problematic.
If a donor insists that they be paid back even if you give it away as a gift, be gracious and allow them to do so. Talk about terms that are acceptable to them.
You should always follow this advice when purchasing something speculative like a cryptocurrency. You shouldn’t loan more than you can afford to lose.
This rule of money management protects you. No matter how generous you might want, you can’t give money you don’t have away.
Don’t be pressured into loaning or giving away more money than you feel comfortable with.
If your family member cannot pay you or chooses not to, you will only lose what you had agreed to forego.
If you’ve made a loan agreement, you should determine an appropriate way to ask for repayment. Whenever possible, set terms in writing from the beginning, so they know which method to use when requesting payment.
But if the borrower has not made your payment in a timely manner, you must set up a plan to settle the matter. Rather than berating them during your family meal, bring them to a private discussion to negotiate your repayment.
Another option is to use technology to simplify the process. You can send payment directly through an application, avoiding a face-to-face encounter.
6. Communicating with those who have different money philosophies
Next, whether or not you agree about money may be a difficult monetary etiquette issue. You might be very passionate about finance issues and want them to be treated the same.
It’s difficult to convince others not to force their opinions about money on others. It’s usually not easy!
Personal finance is so important that we cannot become too immersed in our finances and mistreat our friends.
As someone who loves to discuss money, I know when to hold my tongue and when to speak up with people I know. I don’t ever want friends to feel as though I am attacking them for their personal money matters or circumstances.
Recognizing your flaws can give you the courage to correct them. If you feel guilty for spending money you do not approve of, remember you are not perfect.
You must not make your opinion known if it can be avoided. For issues that you feel strongly about, use neutral language.
Here are some phrases that can work better than judgment:
This builds upon the previous suggestion, but it bears repeating that taking on debt is a big financial decision. If you worked hard to avoid debt or to pay it off, that’s great for you.
Unfortunately, some of us may transform that fantastic debt-free feeling into unkindness toward others.
One financial courtesy we should all follow is to refrain from criticizing each other for our debts. Don’t nag someone who is drowning in debt, as they will only become angry and make the situation worse.
There are several ways to diplomatically discuss debt with a friend. You can frame the conversation around your own debt journey.
Tell your friend that you know how difficult it is to pay off debt. You may also help them develop a debt reduction plan by sharing a financial book or podcast that you love.
7. Guidelines for money etiquette in serious relationships
We’ve discussed this already: money etiquette in serious romantic relationships is so crucial. Following wise relationship advice can protect your money and your relationship.
Honesty is of the utmost importance in a dating relationship. This doesn’t mean you should reveal every detail of yourself on a first date, but rather that you need to be open about financial matters early on.
Communication problems can cause distrust and resentment in a romantic relationship. When it is clear that your relationship is progressing and you may be sharing a great deal of your life together, talk about the important stuff.
Partners and spouses should know important financial information such as how much debt the other has, how they feel about spending it, and what their overarching financial goals are.
Here are some financial questions to consider:
You should go into relationships honestly. Then, you can resolve financial problems together.
You may be able to plan your shared finances once you’ve gotten honest with your partner about your income and expenses. You won’t be able to make a shared budget without knowing the other’s income and expenses, of course.
Budgeting as a couple may include monthly budget meetings to discuss your upcoming spending. Discuss your income, your necessary expenses, and any fun money you may have.
Financial planning as a couple requires you to think about your current and future financial goals. If you want to stay at home with your children in a few years, for instance, your spouse needs to know this so you can plan accordingly financially.
Owning a home, traveling, and other expenses must be considered in your long-term goals.
Money etiquette suggests that in a relationship, you share your money. Whether you keep some of your money separate or combine it entirely, you need to decide on the plan. Secrets are of no use to the two of you.
Money etiquette can improve your life (and others too)!
There are many other situations in which money etiquette is essential to know and follow. In general, being honest with those who matter most can make things better.
Be mindful of kindness along with finances when discussing or interacting with people. Your money manners will improve the quality of life for people around you!
